Funnies for Saturday!

 has written a Harry Potter parody filk to “Holding Out for a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler and it’s so bloody clever, calling “Holding Out for a Horcrux” pre-sporking Deathly Hallows and also THOSE covers.  Go Read!  Go Sing!  If I had Meatloaf here, and some dry ice and a chorus of 100’s – I’d be doing a phone post….

Talking of those covers: Random Death Eaters One and Two give their “opinion” on the Deathly Hallows Covers.

Eye eye! This looks like some information that His Nibs would like to know about!

What’s that then?

Book covers for the Final Book. Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnnn…………..

What are you making that stupid noise for?

It’s to maintain an air of suspense and excitement.

Really? Well it doesn’t work. Stop it. Let’s have a look at them.

Here. Here’s the American version.

No doubt Harry is eating French fries and Jello as he was in Book One, what was it called in America? Harry Potter and England for Dummies…

No….

Well this is silly.

What?

Well I’m assuming the scruffy urchin on the right is Potter-still-not-King-I mean still-not dead..

You can’t say that!

Why?

Because you are plagiarising Cassandra Clare. Sorry –CLAIRE.

*Looks coolly across at RDE2* And your point is, exactly?

*mumble mumble* Well I LIKED the Draco Trilogy. Sometimes after a hard day’s torturing Muggles, obeying Sir, and general Death Eating, it’s nice to read something that doesn’t challenge me in any way whatsoever!’

That doesn’t sound like you, but let’s be frank, Two, that’s not a great endorsement. Anyway, back to the literature…*peruses cover* OK. So this premonitions shows His Nibs and The UnDead Boy in .. the Coliseum?

They both seem to be waving. *Elvis Impression * Than’ yew verra mush –we’ll be here all week. Ah ha A ha ha. Perhaps they are waving at the fans in the stands?

I told you we’d be able to sell tickets when His Nibs stops Farting Around™ and finally slaughters the little brat.

I wonder why it’s taken him such a long time.

It’s not because he’s not talented.

Or Powerful

Or sneaky, or evil.

Perhaps he’s got a share in the book deal?

Two! Wash your mouth out with soap.

Sir’s got very dirty hands

And where’s his wand?

Well, you see – you can’t make it out, he does insist on those floaty robes. He should stick to skin tight leather like Malfoy…

Not that wand! Pervert! Neither Harry or Sir have wands.

Well, I can believe it of Mr-Kiss-The-Girl-and-Run-away-never-get-a-stiffie-and-call-me-a-Eunuch(lovely-singing-voice-Potter, but I’ve seen Sir’s….

NOT THAT SORT OF WAND!

So what’s with the curtains either side of them then?

Dunno. A big Veil?

Nah. I tell you, it’sa concert arena. When they knocked down Wembley Stadium, Malfoy bought it and hid it at the Manor. Harry and His Nibs are obviously doing some sort of duet. You see? JAZZ HANDS!!!

HARRY
I can give you the world
Shining, shimmering, emerald
Tell me, Voldie, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your robes
Show you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic Harry ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we’re only dreaming

VOLDIE
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I’m way up here
It’s crystal clear
That now I’m in a whole new world with you
Now I’m in a whole new world with you

(They fly)
Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don’t you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath – it gets better
I’m like a shooting star
I’ve come so far
I can’t go back to where I used to be

HARRY
A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I’ll chase them anywhere
There’s time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you

BOTH
A whole new world
That’s where we’ll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

Him….I don’t know. His Nibs is more a Scar-man, than a Jafar-man,he doesn’t approve of Jafar’s methods.

But he’d like the floaty trousers.

True.Anyway – what about the English cover?

Oh it’s much more interesting. There’s Nagini in a crystal ball – or a soap bubble, or perhaps a prophecy sphere, Hogwarts seen from the perspective of a drunken ant– with a FULL MOON – DUN DUNN —

I said– Stop That.

And the Terrible Trio falling into a dragon’s hoard.

Really? Let me see. *peruses UK Cover * Hmmm And Dobby’s going to stab Potter in the back.

Here’s hoping.

It could be dragon hoard. It looks like one.

Oo – yes but no but – Perhaps Rowena Ravenclaw was really a Dragon Animagus and she’s still alive and she’s sitting deep in the Deathly Hallows on top of a HUGE pile of gold for hundreds and hundreds of years and the thing that Potter needs – the Whorecrutch thing, is in the hoard and they slide down this huge slide to get there and land on this huge pile of gold and Rowena is Evil because like she’s been there all alone for all this time and Harry and her have a battle of wits —

That wouldn’t take long.

—and Rowena loses and she has to give Harry the Whorecrutch and then —

NO.

What? It fits the cover exactly.

It’s too far fetched.

Are you serious? Don’t you remember the whole Goblet of Fire nonsense? Can we say Prophecy Waste of Time?

And Sirius’ Death.

Pointless

He was hot.

You won’t get me to disagree there… All right then – Perhaps Malfoy is attacking them with flying money? Death by Galleons! Flying coins of d00m!!

Where did he get the money from – I thought his assets had been seized.

I’ve seized his assets, more than once. Hur hur.

That’s too much information. You know that, don’t you?

Sorry.

Malfoy is broke. So this isn’t him.

cough cough Moonlighting….

© Copyright 2007 Erastes, All rights Reserved. Written For: Erastes
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.