Where is Lucius Malfoy and his family?  Do you really think, for one minute, that Lucius, the consummate Slytherin is languishing in Azkaban?  Not a bit of it.  With much thanks to  who tracked 99 percent of these proofs down.  It seems our golden family are in fact having to make a new life, and are (horror) having to work for a living – modelling for romance book covers.(and icons)

Proof positive that the Malfoys are now in the Wizarding Witness Protection Program:  Image heavy.

Love and the Loathsome Leopard

Narcissa tries an innocent act with an Auror dressed in neo-Regency clothes.  After this cover shoot she went to audition for Bewitched 2.

Of course what really makes this perfect is that there’s a notorious HP fanfic in which Lucius Malfoy is a were-leopard, Harry Potter is his Chosen and Draco Malfoy is having a baby. I’m pretty sure Narcissa would regard leopards as loathsome on general principle.


Vote for Love

Narcissa is asked to play out the Spinner’s End scene with a Muggle, and swoons.

Loving Becky

Although I think it’s perfectly obvious from the pained expression and distinct lack of any interest in his breeches, that Lucius really really doesn’t.


The Rancher’s Daughter

Narcissa: “Even think of kissing me, Muggle boy, and I will make you pray for death. And I’ll ENJOY it.”


Lucius with an orange tan out of a bottle and a fluorescent tattoo.


Swan Road

In which young Draco backs away from a woman who is absolutely demanding CPR.

The Outlaw Hearts

Draco in leather pants, looking bored by the prospect of a blowjob by Little Red Riding Hood.


Passion Moon Rising

You think this is Narcissa?  WRONG!  This is Lucius in drag: “You, boy, are NOT Snape. You’re not even Macnair.”



Luciuslooking pregnant in green, and Draco dressed like something from a jumble sale. Meanwhile, in the lower left corner, Professor Flitwick takes notes for future blackmail.  From the looks of the background, I’d say that the chandelier’s seen better days.

Or The Zombie Family Malfoy, if you prefer


Kiss Your Elbow

Nothing says special like Narcissa glowing with sparkly magic and beaming because she’s about to Incendio the Ministry of Magic once and for all.  I think “Kiss Your Elbow” is the publisher being polite about what she’s really saying?


Flame Vine

It’s amazing how lipstick is all it takes to transform Lucius into a passable girl.  “My Life as a Lap Dancer” by Lucius Malfoy.


Apache Magic

Lucius: “Just let me get a good grip so that I fling this wench into the mountain lake behind her…”


Border Lord

He doesn’t really seem to realise he’s having to work for a living, does he? Bored Lord, really. He was annoyed that the sign hid his…legs.


Finder’s Keepers

Narcissa Black Malfoy IS Sarah Connor in “The Terminator.”


Alcandian Quest

Sirius and Lucius, together again.

“I thought you were dead?”
“I thought YOU were in prison…”


Dare Me

Nekkid Lucius stares at the stupid Muggle instrument and wishes it was a bit bigger. Nekkid Narcissa is his groupie.


The Beloved One

Once more, Draco looks confused, disbelieving and a little bored as a woman promises him the blowjob of his life.

If you find any more of them, let me know!

© Copyright 2007 Erastes, All rights Reserved. Written For: Erastes
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