missed yesterday–day 23/dad/depression group

well i bought a pair of scales which amazingly go up to my weight. And it was a very very scary weight too. 3 stone more than I imagined the worst weight. Anyway, I shall weigh myself next saturday so fingers crossed.

delicious dinner today – rump steak (really cheap from Lidl) with fresh local asparagus cooked in butter all topped with melted cheese. SO delicious. Breakfast was the normal hash (never going to get bored of that) and lunch was a dressed crab and a couple of bockwurst. total today only 17! so i’m going to treat myself to some yogurt and fruit because I’m not getting enough calcium. Not getting enough anything except protein and fat, to be honest! LOL.

Went to see Dad today, didn’t stay long because he’s not responsive and he fell asleep but he’s better than he was. He’s on a normal ward and he was out of bed today- because it’s better for him to be sitting up. Because he’s not on the drugs to keep him calm he was really alert, wide open eyes which is the first time I’ve seen that for months. I’m going to speak to his doctor when he goes back to the home about keeping him off the drugs. We discussed that a while back, and as long as he doens’t get aggressive again, I think it will be better for him. Anyway, it will probably be a while before he’s well enough to get assessed for return. I don’t know whether I have to pay for his place while he’s in hospital.

as for the anti-depressant course, it was ghastly, as I thought it would be. One of the presenters was a trainee and the other one was an ex-social worker, complete with wrist beats and kalaedoscope socks. the first week concerned “what is depression” together with “what are your symptoms” shortly followed by a list of symptoms. And people who present power point presentations AND SIMPLY READ THE WORDS ON THE SCREEN OUT LOUD deserve shooting as far as I’m concerned. The whole thing is about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which basically means that to break out of the cycle of depression you need to recognise the things you can change, change them and that should break the cycle. I appreciate this BUT if you can’t be ARSED to do anything about the problems, how the hell do you start? “do something you like” – well that’s the problem, I don’t want to do anything I like. I can’t read. I can’t write. I can hardly get dressed and I don’t even wash unless I’m going out. thank go for animals or I’d never get out of bed.

It all smacks of “buck up!” which is really the last thing I need.

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