20 pounds lost day 47

I’ve had a difficult time for the last two weeks – damn Mercury! First of all the weight plateaued and in fact went UP – no matter how many times I jumped on and off the scales!

I had a good think about it – and I know I didn’t cheat, I haven’t even had a drink for weeks – so I think it must be 3 things:

1. Portion sizes

2. Pork Scratchings (Rinds.)

3. Lack of exercise

The thing is that I can’t – and won’t, specially on my experience – believe that you can “eat to your heart’s content” on this plan. as I told my doctor when he originally recommmended it, I’m a binger and if you put a chicken in front of me and say “you can eat as much meat as you want” I’m going to eat the whole thing because I have no “off switch” as most normal people seem to have. So I was eating huge amounts of meat and tons of pork scratchings.

For about 2 weeks then, the weight has kept going up and down and up again, but not showing any LOSS which was quite disheartening. The only good thing I’ve taken from this is that I never gave up. Never said “oh bugger this” and had a pizza or a Chinese. Instead I carried on, cut out roasting an entire chicken in preference for cutting pieces off and cooking individual bits, stopped the pork scratchings entirely (although THANK YOU, HENRI for the sweet parcels of them, it was hugely appreciated, and for a normal person they would have worked—not someone who eats the entire six packets in two days!)

I can’t exercise, I’m just too heavy. Just walking to the car is an achievement, seriously. I’ve found some sitting down work outs so i’ll try those this week and see what the result is by the end of the week. Weighing myself Sundays and Wednesdays now.

I’m in the groove . I am pretty confident I won’t be slipping. I JUST WANT TO GET BELOW THIS HALF STONE MARK!!

Other news – Dad seems to be doing OK back at the home. I am ashamed to say I haven’t been over to see him since he came out of hospital, but he isn’t aware of me being there or not being there, and he’s happy and isn’t asking for me, so that takes some of the guilt away. I just feel worse coming away than when I go, and that doesn’t help the depression.

Depression wise, I’m working on it. I’m still in a slough, but it’s not as bad as it was a couple of weeks ago. I’m actually trying to read – although I spent about an hour yesterday skimming through the new Kindle (and all the books I’d transferred there (they are sorted into collections on the old Kindle and when you transfer them over they are all in one batch again…) and couldn’t work out what I’d already reviewed and what I hadn’t so ended up doing nothing. I’m going to the doctor’s today to get signed off from the dole for hopefully six months and perhaps I’ll ask for some pills at last.

I’m also trying to read “Testament of Youth” by Vera Brittain which was huge in the 70s’/80’s being Shirley Williams’ mother’s memories of pre-during and post WW1. But it’s proving tough to read. It’s HUGE for a start and I seem to only be able to read about a page before I can’t read any more (this from someone who used to read 2-3 books a week) and it’s so FOREBODING which I suppose makes sense because it’s dealing with the war, but i’m hundreds of pages in and we’ve known from the beginning that she’s going to lose her fiancee and it hasn’t happened yet and she hits you over the head with the tragedy-that-is-yet-to-be every few lines and it’s just Too Much.

anyway – all in all, not too bad right now. I’m managing! Thanks to all who have been in touch, I can’t tell you how much that’s appreciated.

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